Vacation

This past weekend I took one of the best vacations I've had in a while.  I went to Seabrook, SC to visit my friend Jenna for a few days.  My time with her was just what the doctor ordered.  I spent my time relaxing by the pool and the beach, eating fresh seafood and enjoying some quality facetime with my good friend Jenna.

We spent a day in downtown Charleston walking around and treating ourselves to an amazing lunch at Magnolia's.  I have their cookbook but haven't actually eaten there.  Boy was it tasty! Most of our afternoons were spent on the beach sleeping, reading and listening to music.  I don't know if the week could have gotten any better. 

I was also spoiled because I was able to enjoy the great view out our back window every morning and evening.  I had the perfect spot to drink my coffee and to enjoy the sunsets in the evening.  Thanks Jenna for being such a great host.  It was the perfect vacation!

I don't actually have any pictures from graduation on my camera or my phone-sad I know.  Here are the two pictures I have from baccalaureate.  These sweet friends have been with me the whole journey through seminary and I am so thankful.   

Now life has slowed down quite a bit. I'm on the job hunt but don't really have much else going on at the moment.  I will be doing some traveling this summer to see friends/family in the Carolinas.  Please be praying along with me as I look for a job here in STL.

Celebrating a Season

Well you might have noticed I have been absent for a while.  This past semester, really this past year has been a crazy one.  Not that the rest of my time at Covenant hasn't had its ups and downs and been chaos at times.  This last year of being in my internship about did me in at times.  The funny thing about it though, it wasn't even seeing the clients that was so hard, that I love.  It was the rest of life that was messy, complicated, hard, and just really sweet.

The Lord was gracious this past semester to give me a glimpse in to the world of counseling during the month of January to really decide that this is something that I feel called to do.  For me it has been something that I have had confirmed over and over again as I sat with different clients, talked with my supervisors, and also talked with my peers.  At this point I don't have a job but I'm on the hunt here in STL.

For me this past semester has been one in which the Lord really challenged me to wrestle with Him.  To trust him and to ask questions of who He is, who he was, and who is he calling me to be.  Let me tell you, wrestling with God is not fun.  It was a long drawn out process, but man am I glad that I have done it.

Something else the Lord really showed me this semester is just how big he really is.  He has called me to trust him, even when I don't really understand or see what is going on.  He is present in darkness, he is bigger than Satan, and he can handle my questions.  He is someone who is kind and gentle to those he loves.  He delights in those he created and finds us beautiful.

I have continued to delight in, be blessed by, challenged by, and deeply miss the community the Lord has given me here.  He truly has spread people to the ends of the earth but this year has been a success in part because of those that have come alongside me and supported and prayed for me. These women and men who have spoken truth to my heart this year are irreplaceable.  Thank you for your support and impact on my heart.

Not that this past year wasn't ambiguous enough already, I'm entering in to a time of unknowns as I job hunt.  I will be here in STL for the time being.  I'll give you a graduation post soon.  I'm back. I've got time and a life again!

Beginning of the End

And so my last semester has begun! My short two week break at Christmas seems so far away right now.  January was a wonderfully long month.  It was busy with clients and work but a chance to rest, celebrate, and enjoy life.
I am officially a week in to my last semester and already thinking about what does it mean to leave.  It is February-CRAZY-and I have 3.5 months left here with a sweet community.  What does it look like to leave well?  To be present with them in relationship and to grieve the changes and the losses to come?
There is still a lot to be done between now and May. Continue seeing clients, continue school, my job(s), find a new job in a new city! But, in the middle of all those things I have many relationships to enjoy and celebrate presently.

Jan Term

Jan term is about the best thing ever.  School doesn't start until the 26th for me so I am enjoying as much of this break as I can.  I am watching all the movies and tv that I can before I lose my free time.  I have read the Hunger Games and am looking for another book to start.  For Christmas I gave the kids a date with me so I have been out two weekends in a row to play around town.  Lillian and I went to the zoo last weekend.  Today SFB and I went to a movie and walked around downtown St. Charles.  

Hoping to continue to enjoy my last week or so before life kicks back in to high gear again.  

Christmas Break!

Yesterday in celebration of being done for a few weeks my friend Alisha and I took a trip over to the Art Museum.  The great thing about our museum is that it is free!  It is the perfect place to visit in the winter when it is cold and dreary outside.  While we were there we stopped by the ticket desk to see if there were tickets available for the Monet exhibition-there were!  The SLAM currently has a tryptich of Monet's water lilies plus a few other pieces.  It was a beautiful piece.  Alisha and I sat there for probably an hour and just talked and looked at the artwork.  Then we explored the rest of the museum. It was the perfect afternoon celebration to the ending of our semester.  I think I want to spend more time at the museum, it was really enjoyable.

Oh and Happy Hanukkah! We are celebrating at work.  I get to be a bystander and listen as the residents light the candles each night, pray in Hebrew and sing different songs.  It is such a joy to be allowed a glimpse into different traditions.

Now back to packing and cleaning!



PS- I didn't take it.  I'm not that much of a rule breaker.  This is someone else's picture.  I just wanted to give you an idea even though this picture just doesn't do it justice.

Advent

I love the season of Advent.  It is a season of longing and expectation as we look to the birth of our Savior, Jesus.  It is a time in which we can see God's faithfulness woven through our story and through scripture.  There were promises made, promises fulfilled and still we wait for the final promise to be finally fulfilled.

I feel like my time at Covenant has allowed me to feel and experience Advent and Easter in ways that I never had before.  I can pray, Yes Lord Jesus come quickly and there is a deep yearning and a hope for Christ's return in ways that there never has been before.  I have allowed myself to see and feel the brokenness of this world.  Yet, it isn't all bad.  We have a hope and a longing.  I can look back at these past two years and see the faithfulness and kindness of a Father that loves me, who has gently led me through some dark and challenging times.  He has sustained me just as he has continually sustained his people.

O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.

Refrain

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.

Refrain

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

Refrain

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.

Refrain

O come, O come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height
In ancient times once gave the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.

Refrain

O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,
An ensign of Thy people be;
Before Thee rulers silent fall;
All peoples on Thy mercy call.

Refrain

O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.

Refrain

Thankful

Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth!

Serve the LORD with gladness!

Come into his presence with singing!

Know that the LORD, he is God!

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving,

and his courts with praise!

Give thanks to him; bless his name!

For the LORD is good;

his steadfast love endures forever,

and his faithfulness to all generations.

(Psalm 100 ESV)

What a season to be thankful!  I wish I knew where my camera was so I could have taken pictures of our feast.  What a glorious day it was yesterday to cook, fellowship, eat and drink with friends.  Rebecca and Kerstin did an amazing job! 

Looking back over this past year I have so much to be thankful.  The Lord has placed me in such a sweet community here in STL.  For two years I had neighbors who allowed me to be a part of their families and their chaos.  He blessed me with sweet relationships and friends that are willing to speak truth in love.  He has given me friends that see me for who God has made me to be and encourage me in that process of growth. 

I have seen friends come and go as they move all across the country, and soon to be the world.  He has opened my heart in ways that I never expected and through a process that was painful.  He is continuing to do so and it is exciting to see and to feel differently.  

I am thankful for my STL family.  They love me well and have made me feel welcome. Lastly, for my family and their love and support and that the Lord is still at work in growing and shaping us.

I am thankful that we are His and He knows us! 

Hallelujah

Bethany Dillon's song: 


Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?


I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach


I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything
But it's when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is


Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah


The same sun that
Rises over castles
And welcomes the day


Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play


And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free


Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah


---------------------
A sweet friend gave me a cd and a note with this song on here the other day and I have been listening to it a lot since then.  The end of the semester is slowly making its way here.  I am definitely feeling weary and looking forward to the little rest that Thanksgiving break will bring.  


This semester has been one that has been non-stop (why you don't hear from me much).  The Lord has been a constant though as I am having to wrestle through who I am, who he is, and who is he making me to be.  Of course all of these questions hit the hardest when I am in the middle of internship!  

Mid-semester

Well it is October.  It is mid-semester here.  Those first two sentences can carry a lot of weight or a little weight depending on who you are.  This time of the semester is absolutely crazy.  Plus, throw in the fact that it is my internship year.  I feel like the Lord has been growing and stretching me in leaps and bounds this semester.  It is so encouraging to see and hear change in my own life and heart.
I am learning to recognize how I relate to people, how to do it differently, and how I have been impacted by other relationships.  God, by his grace has given me sweet friends to walk with me through this hard process of sanctification.
This week I decided I had what one of my counseling books would call a "corrective emotional experience."  I don't really encourage you to go looking for them because they aren't always fun.  They are definitely redemptive experiences as God continues to show his kindness and love to us but a challenge as we see are own brokenness and the Lord at work.

In class this week one of my professors asked us, "Do you believe people can change?"  Of course I want to say yes.  But really there are some days I wonder if they will.  I always want to hope they will but knowing there is risk in investing, in hoping for the change of another.  This professor pointed us to Philippians 1:6, He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus.  We then looked at Philippians 3:4-16.  We have hope for change.  Christ is at work in us and in others.  Even though I struggle to see change in some and even begin to hope for them, the Lord is at work and will continue on in it.

Thanks for partaking of some of my ramblings as I am processing through things I am learning and experiencing this semester.  It is all a work in progress.

The Crazy Life

Life right now is crazy.  I am pushing through some 12 hour days right now between work and school and man let me tell you it is tiring! The highlight of the week is Wednesday.  I have absolutely nothing to do on Wednesday.  So I stay home, read, write papers, drink tea and listen to music.  It is glorious.  That will be my day again today, plus putting my life back in order.  The busier the week is the more out of control my room gets.  I feel like this week I reached an all time low.  Not that I'm making excuses, but not coming home until 9:30 and 10:30 almost every night of the week will do a girl in! 

If you need me this weekend you can most likely find me at home catching up on the rest of life!

Jealousy!

Slightly jealous.  In case you haven't heard, I live with a sweet family. They are the next best thing to my own but I will claim each of them as a part of my family.  They are leaving on a weekend adventure today and I wish I was going too! They are headed to the happiest place on earth, no not Disney.  Auburn! Oh, the Loveliest Village!   Happy Game Day Weekend everyone.  Football season is here!! Whoohoo. 

War Damn Eagle!

Started!

My final year has started!  It is crazy to believe that I moved to St. Louis two summers ago.  I am starting my third and final year at Covenant!  Man how time flies.  the Lord has been gracious to me during this season of life.  He has blessed me with some sweet families and friends whom I can turn to.  He has stretched me in ways that I was not expecting.  I know it is not over yet.  This year still holds a lot for me.  If you thought the past two years were a roller coaster with me, just wait!  Internship is guaranteed to be a ride.  Hang on with me as I continue to learn of the Lord's goodness and mercy.  And as I continue to see and feel the depths of brokenness in our world and long desperately for Christ to return and make all things new.  So beings final leg of graduate school!

Colorado!

This past weekend I headed up to Denver to check out the city and visit the Wood Family.  It was my first trip to Colorado and I loved it.  The flight in was definitely not my best.  There is a first time for everything and it was for sure the roughest flight I have ever been on.  I need to be sure to travel with Dramamine (or Phenergan) next time I will.  My time with the Woods was sweet.  It was so good to spend time with Barb, Andy and the kiddos. 

Friday I had coffee with one of the local CTS grads who is establishing her counseling practice. I walked away from that conversation thinking we could be friends.  I really enjoyed hearing about her experiences in Denver but also learning about her as a person.

I ate at a great Mexican place downtown Rio Grande, the food was really fresh and had great flavor.  There are multiple locations, C.  Also, I went to Dazbog coffee a couple times.  Great outdoor patio, plus you can bike to several of their locations.  I think what I loved about being in the city was that you could bike to everywhere, or walk.  You could also catch their light rail to get where you want to go.  

Saturday I went up to the mountains with the Woods.  It is amazing.  We went hiking in Silverthorne which is near Keystone, Frisco, and Breckenridge.  We stopped off in Frisco to pick up some beer at Andy's favorite local brewpub.  I really enjoyed the beers we got from Backcountry Brewery.  I was really thankful to be hiking with four small children because I am really out of shape so it was nice to have a slower pace, not because of me but because of the kids!

Barb and Andy are a part of a church plant in metro Denver.  Sunday night I joined them and the rest of their team at a vision and prayer meeting.  I loved meeting the different people that showed up as well as other members of their team.  

I think I was most surprised by the weather this weekend.  The sun is really hot in Denver.  When you are in the sun it gets really hot, but being in the shade makes a huge difference.  I was told that winters in Denver are actually better than winters in STL which is really encouraging to hear.  Because the sun is so strong in Denver whenever the sun comes out it melts the snow rapidly as opposed to STL where you go days without the sun and end up suffering from SAD.   Denver has much more sun during the winter months which I really like.  

That's right, it has been almost a month since I have posted.  Life has been a little crazy this month.  I was in class for two weeks from 8am-5pm and I think every ounce of my energy was zapped from that.  The week post class I spent holed away in the library working on class assignments.  If you need me this week I will be there again.  Life has been hard and challenging this summer as the Lord continues to stretch and refine me.  There have still been more goodbyes to fill the summer which is always saddening.

This weekend though was a whirlwind with most of the family here for a visit.  We ate our way through STL.  Now, I need a week or two of serious working out.  We hit three donut shops, Anheuser-Busch and Schlafly tours, Crown Candy Kitchen, hung out with my STL family, walked the Botanical Gardens and made our way around town.  Now back to the real world.  So thankful to rest today!

sweetness

These girls know the way to my heart.  What a fun and sweet way to end a day.  All four of us are currently in different cities for work and vacation and yet because of technology we  are all able to share a few laughs and stories with each other.  Thank you to these wonderful ladies for being such a blessing in my life!  Last night was a technology victory for all four of us!

Moving!

Today is my final day on campus.  I am washing my sheets now and will pack up all that remains to move over to the new house tonight! I'm halfway unpacked at the new house but still have lots left to do.  I forgot how many shoes I own!  Looking forward to settling in this next week.

oldie but a goody

Yesterday I spent some quality time with Nana.  We went out to lunch and then back to her house to look at pictures.  We went through 8 reels of slides.  We found some really great pictures from mom's childhood.  Here are a couple for enjoyment.

Wrestling or Rasslin'

This past weekend I spent a few days in Lawrenceville, GA (not to be confused with Atlanta).  MTW had a Vision Retreat for three days that I attended to learn more about short and long term options.  The weekend at MTW headquarters was wonderful.  I had the opportunity to interact with many of the staff members and recruiters from the organization.  Different departments shared what they do, their interactions with missionaries, and why so many of them have been there 10+ years.  I think what I loved most about this experience was seeing how much the MTW staff cares for, loves, and prays for their missionaries.  While there I also got to hear from five different missionary families.  I had some really valuable time learning about the missionaries, sharing my story with them and getting really great feedback. We also spent time in prayer with each other which was wonderful.  I met missionaries from Australia,  Australia, Cambodia, Thailand, and Peru.  All of them in different stages of time in the field. I appreciated the honesty of the missionaries as they shared their experiences, their struggles and God's faithfulness through it all.  They talked about God's sovereignty, his perfect plan, and our own pride.
I think my favorite part of the trip was that I had time for great one on one conversations with many of the missionaries to learn more about them and their experiences.  They were interested in hearing about me and my call.  Dr. Kooistra, the head of MTW talked with us about support raising and what it means to be called. 

My prayer is that the Lord would continue to make my next steps clear.  That he would continue to give me clarity as I move forward in my final year at CTS.  That he would give me a burden for a people group whether it is stateside or abroad and that my heart would be open to his direction and call on my life. 


To those that are considering the Vision Retreat (you know who you are), I highly recommend it.  Even if the area of the world you are interested in serving is not present MTW will arrange a time for you to speak with someone from the Resource Team to learn more about opportunities.  The time with staff and missionaries was very encouraging.  They were able to answer questions and concerns.  I still do not know what my next steps will be but feel at peace and encouraged knowing that I can't make a wrong decision about it. 

Another pictureless one

Sorry folks. Not too much to capture around here.  Life has been slow lately with no class, not much work and a lot of hanging out.  I am trying to enjoy the slowness as it is all about to change in a few weeks!
I leave town tomorrow for my vacation in Huntsville.  I will be around town from Tuesday until Monday.  After my stint at home I will hit the ground running here in STL with internship! I will start seeing clients soon after I get back.  I have 2 already!
My goal now is to have as much packed as possible for my move at the end of the month so it won't be too terrible come the final days.